Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
