just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize
