he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
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If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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