hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
