I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
