We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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