Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
