this just has baby written all over it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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