come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A bitchslap is in order.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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