You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
