We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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