watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
