What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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