TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
