So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
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nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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