is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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