Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips

(515): View more from Iowa

there is no god

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind

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(916): View more from California

No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.

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(517): View more from Michigan

He made me a period mix..should I back out now?

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(303): View more from Colorado

I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...

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(602): View more from Arizona

Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting

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(256): View more from Alabama

Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.

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