it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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