oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
is wine microwaveable?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
