Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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