I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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