don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just want nice things and good sex
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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