After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
