I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
