Four minutes until I can fart!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
