i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
