Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
