i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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