Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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