I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
