While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
