Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
