I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
