"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
