so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
