when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
