The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Never underestimate the power of titties
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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