I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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