Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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