perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
