I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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