I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
