you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
