it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
