What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
