I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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