If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
