All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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