i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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