I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
