Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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