A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
