she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
