I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
