She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
