Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
