last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
