i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
