go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
