i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
