I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
