I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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