I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
