sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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