my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
