the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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