where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize