I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
