Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
