He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
