Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
