I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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