I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize