eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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