Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
