u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
