he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
