her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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