Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
