I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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