Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
