literally had 100 drinks last night.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
