im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
