i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
