From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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